The Fearful Queer

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Bravery (noun) is the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty. Another definition or way to describe Bravery is the word: Courage. The Merriam-Webster definition for Courage is the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Very similar definitions. Courage has many synonyms, including Spirit, Resolution, and Tenacity.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary website describes Spirit, Resolution, and Tenacity, in relation to Courage, as follows:

SPIRIT suggests a quality of temperament enabling one to hold one’s own or keep up one’s morale when opposed or threatened.

her spirit was unbroken by failure

RESOLUTION stresses firm determination to achieve one’s ends.

the resolution of pioneer women

TENACITY adds to RESOLUTION implications of stubborn persistence and unwillingness to admit defeat.

held to their beliefs with great tenacity

What is fear?

Fear (noun): an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Atychiphobia is an intense fear of failure. It may cause you to put off or avoid any activity or scenario that has the potential for an unsuccessful outcome.

FEAR

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Fear vs Danger

Danger is a real threat, Fear is a perceived threat. The threat of danger is fact, the threat of fear is potential. The emotion of fear is real, but the danger it projects is not always true. Fear is a chemical reaction in one’s body that one cannot control as your body is reacting to a perceived threat and is prepping for survival. It’s unconscious. How you respond to that chemical reaction is conscious.

“I’ve been scared to death of failing

Scared that I’d look like a fool

And I’d rather quit than risk that I could lose”

Fear by Ben Rector

Now that I’ve thoroughly researched all of these words and their definitions and pitted them against each other in order to see how they relate to each other, reviewed my work, etc, etc. What does it all mean? Well, I am no expert. I have only done a few days of research and reflection for myself to try and make sense of this foreign (to me) concept of Bravery. But here is what I have come up with based on my own, personal experiences.

Make it make sense

So, I have this self-care app on my phone that I downloaded 110 days ago. I am allowed to make journeys that are focused on themes such as nourishing my body and building my confidence. With each journey I get to choose goals I want to accomplish and how often I want to accomplish them. In my journey to grow in my confidence I have a goal to accomplish six days a week of standing in front of the mirror in superhero pose. So, here I am this morning standing in front of my full length mirror, standing in superhero pose. I see in the reflection of the mirror, over my shoulder, my Wonder Woman poster that says “courage”. The definition of Courage is “the ability to do something that frightens one”. That is what I think of when I think of dancing with fear. Courage. Daring. Bravery.

When I think of Bravery, I think of the song from Frozen 2 (Disclaimer: I have not seen the movie, yet) that Anna sings called, “The Next Right Thing”. Bravery is empowering but it doesn’t (always) look like the protagonist fighting the big bad in the final battle. Bravery is waking up every morning. Bravery is seeing another trip around the sun, acknowledging “I’m still here”, and choosing to accept another day. Like Anna sings, bravery is taking one step outside of your comfort zone, then another, then another. It’s not a sprint, it’s a journey. Bravery is going at your own pace.

I think of a story I read in Matt Haig’s The Comfort Book, where he talks about when he and his father were lost in the woods for many hours. His father finally decided to walk in a straight line believing they would eventually come across a road. And they did. Bravery is believing and knowing the forest has an ending. I read that excerpt while staying with a friend. She had recently lost her father and I was nervous and so extremely humbled that she would host me in her home so soon after such a difficult time. I saw bravery in her hospitality. Not because it was “the right thing to do,” but because I got to be witness and a small part of her journey to taking one step outside of her comfort zone, and then another. I saw bravery in her perseverance to come back to work to a promoted position and hit the ground running. I saw her bravery in taking time to live. We went out for drinks in the middle of the week. We stayed in and watched reality tv and ate pizza and bread sticks. I got to be a part of her bravery.

On that same trip, I visited a friend from high school for coffee. We hadn’t seen each other in thirteen years! While we were chatting, the topic of bravery and ambition came up. I shared with her how I had just recently driven three hours to a city to visit a coffee shop and how afterwards as I was driving away I shed a couple of tears and I thought, “that was super ambitious, and that was a bit too much ambition for this introverted nerd!” The definition of Ambitious is “having a desire to achieve a particular goal.” My goal was to visit a coffee shop while I had the time and “was in the area”.

I can acknowledge that I have been ambitious before. Flying to New York for 40 hours to see my favorite musical before it closed: ambitious. Seeing that same show four times in three different cities in the span of four months: ambitious. Going to Chicago for 10 days for grad school auditions, in the middle of winter, and planning nothing else: ambitious. Going to Denver for 4 days to see old coworkers and planning nothing else: ambitious. Navigating London by myself on a long free weekend from school: ambitious.

Never once did I view these events as myself practicing bravery or courage. I told my friend, “I can be ambitious, but I am not brave.” Her reply altered my brain chemistry: “You just haven’t learned how to exercise that muscle yet.” This response changed my perspective. I wasn’t incapable of being brave, I just didn’t know what it looked like. 

I think of the quote from one of my favourite films, Chicken Run, when Mac and Rocky are discussing thrust in relation to flying: “Oh, thrust! Of course we need thrust. Why, thrust and flying are, well, like this. See, that’s flying and that’s thrust.” Ambition is the precursor to bravery. So, all the times I recognised I was being ambitious, (deciding to drive three hours to go to a coffee shop) actually following through with doing it was me exercising bravery. I had been doing it all along, I just didn’t know that’s what it looked like.

“I’m not proud of that position

But it’s the hand that I’ve been dealt

But as far as I’m concerned

That hand can go to hell”

Fear by Ben Rector

What now?

“When you open yourself up, it’s amazing the transformation that takes place. The breath becomes fuller. The heart becomes more open. They’re vulnerable, but there’s something so amazing about brave vulnerability.”

Stana Katic

On Wednesday, June 21, the Northern Hemisphere experienced its longest day and the shortest night of the year. Otherwise, known as the Summer Solstice. It is marked as the first day of Summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Physically, this means the Northern Hemisphere of the Earth is tilting the closest it will to the Sun throughout the year. With this, the energy of the Sun is the strongest and we can be mindful to bask in its fiery glow and take in its invigorating and energetic fuel for ourselves. After the pinnacle of the Summer Solstice, the days start to get shorter again, little by little. So, I see the Summer Solstice as a time to really focus on energy intake. Like when bears store up a lot of food in them to prepare to hibernate for the winter.

Bravery, Ambition, and Harry Potter

Bravery (noun): the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty.

Ambition (noun): a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.

When I think of Bravery the first thing that comes to my mind is Gryffindors from Harry Potter. The Sorting Hat literally says, “You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindor apart.” I’m not a Gryffindor, in fact I am a proud Ravenclaw (with a Hufflepuff rising). I sincerely have a ready mind with wit and learning. I value kindness, creativity, justice, and loyalty (a mixture of the Claws and the Puffs). But, I don’t identify with Courage, Bravery, Risk-taking, and Chivalry (Lion-hearted Gryffindors). Nor do I consider myself resourceful, cunning, or identify as a leader (Slytherin).

As a Ravenclaw, of course one of the characters I look up to most is the Exceptionally Ordinary, Luna Lovegood. Luna is not afraid to be herself. Brene Brown says in her book, Daring Greatly, that to be brave is to be vulnerable, “to show up and be seen.” Luna shows up, unapologetically. She faces others’ judgement head on and does not waver. She does not let others’ perception of her have any influence on how she is. She speaks bluntly, awkwardly, and honestly. She speaks her truth. She doesn’t let the perceived awkwardness of the truth stop her from speaking up.

I bet Luna learned a lot from her, also Ravenclaw, father about speaking up for what you believe in despite its controversy (of course, as long as it does no harm to others). Xenophilius Lovegood is one of the only independent publishers in Wizarding England to continue to be vocal in his support of Harry after the Ministry fell under control of Voldemort. Sadly, this outspokenness gets his daughter, Luna, kidnapped and held hostage by the Death Eaters.

Luna is the character in the films to introduce Harry and the readers/viewers to Thestrals and how/why only a fair few amount of people can see them: you had to have witnessed and understood death. Luna witnessed and understood her mother’s death at a young age. Despite this traumatic event, she is the first student to join Dumbledore’s Army and later accompanies The Golden Trio to The Ministry of Magic. When the trio go on their little road trip adventure to find the horcruxes, Luna is one of the students to continue the legacy of the DA to help fight against the injustices happening in Hogwarts.

When I think of Luna I think of the quote, “And yet, she persisted.” Luna has been through so much in her short lifetime that we know of her, but she continues to persevere in the face of hardships. And isn’t that the epitome of bravery?

“I don’t think she’s weird, she is completely herself. She is okay with being eccentric and a little different.”

Evanna Lynch, on her character Luna Lovegood